so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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