well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
