i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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