My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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