you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
