those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
