sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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