I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Farmville is her only friend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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