I heard we made out
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
