READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize