I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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