he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
they need to just BURY HIM!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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