after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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