My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
