Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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