she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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