piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
