im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
