I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
