giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
