i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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