Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
