Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ok first of all what the fuck
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize