He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Someone signed my nipple.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
