Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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