You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
