Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
