Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
