i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize