I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
