So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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