just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
