mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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