I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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