Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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