thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
