in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
