Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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