I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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