there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
