I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
