I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need to stop coming to work sober
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
