woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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