Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
