We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
