all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
