Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
