Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
