the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
