When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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