i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
