Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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