you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
