What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
