Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
