im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
