sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize