Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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