Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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