sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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