I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
