So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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