my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the day after is always just damage control
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
